Stars and other bullshit swirl above, overdone as only the day-in-day-out night sky can be. The most hauntingly trite backdrop to meet your end beneat...
c’mon lady scan faster chop chop this ain’t a talk show damn that’s a lot of cat food wow look at the lines sheesh good thing I got here early ha sucks to be th...
There's so many different sounds on the train i can barely take it, theres like a constant ambient droning and sharp sounds cutting through, shouts that are jus...
My tail is tucked awkwardly in my jeans, taped to leg for security. This is so I don’t draw attention in public and I’m not wearing my cap that says ‘Your Brand...
“Do you know that feeling of ‘when you step in the shower and that first hot stream hits your lower back’?”
-Me, in the shower, to the imagined audience of m...
A review of Dira Tore’s Perturbation
Never have I so badly wanted to devour a film and be devoured by it. To be crushed, masticated, peristalsised all the...
My son puts on a bad guy hat and a bad guy shirt. His bad guy shoes make big bad echoes in the empty house.
I am a bad guy, he tells me.
I will pretend to...
Imagine the Victorian mansion strung in Christmas lights for Halloween at my first gig as a fake medium. Imagine that not all mediums are fake. Imagine a stomac...
Years ago I went to high school with a French guy who punched cobras in the face for fun. His name was Jacques. No one thought he would ever do anything with hi...
Just as my eyelids are set to slump, the bully in my pillow says, You really think it’s time for sleeping, you aspiring loser? Think switching off is ever going...
I pore over drawings by famous psychotics. The erotomaniac Adele Hugo’s senseless novel diary, walls of black scrawl. She was trying to mirror her father, shut ...
My older brother, Kai, had a penchant for blackmailing me. To be fair, I used the same tactics against him. If he refrained from telling our parents about the t...
We have this thing where if we get too close, our heads explode and we die.
I go, “I’ll live underground, you live aboveground. The layers of dirt and rock w...
Not for sure. What we knew was that Eliot had ordered a telescope straight from China – not more than $200, we were shocked – and he had shown us – photographed...
You chug spiked hot chocolate, dig your toes into cold clinging sand, bare your throat to the maddened sprawl of stars. The light of the party is behind you now...
You blew out the last candle at 10 pm. As if this room isn’t a shrine, as if your peeling photograph, coffee stain like a birthmark isn’t propped against the on...
It would like nothing more than to shed, pirouette and moonwalk away to its own music, leaving me behind like a deflated pool dragon.
My skeleton’s drumbeat ...
Frank deep-fat cremates him and scatters his ashes along with fries in the park.
McNugget Buddies forever, Dipstick Kid and Layabout Louis pay their respects...
I’m holding crystal light water enhancers because I know you love them and I figure you’re dehydrated. I need help. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. My tw...
I know many people believe they are, but I actually am, a genius, and its hard to describe the pain I feel from not having that recognized. In my Script Writing...
Once upon a time there was a dog named Hunter. He had a disease on his nose. Nobody really cared. He was in a band called The Bloody Videos. They played every o...
My tick repellant stopped working so now I’m covered in ticks.
I tried going to the store for more tick repellant but I didn’t make it.
Going to the store...
We are proud of our tree-lined streets. They provide us with shade. We stand in the shade to avoid the sun. The sun gives us life but too much will kill us. Eve...
Another year around the sun1. Wow2. This past year saw a lot of ups and downs3. I learned to accept my flaws4 and love myself in spite of them5. I also learned ...
“Mom just texted me,” said Katina.
“Yes?” I said, hearing my wife flush the toilet upstairs.
“Daniel isn’t starting on his Little League team, so she’s co...
Jason wished he’d consulted Google Maps before setting out on his journey to the end of the world, with the sun in his wheelbarrow. The deal was that he had to ...