I was addicted to Band-Aids. Small ones. I'd stick them to my arms, toes, knees—anywhere they'd fit. My family assumed I was accident-prone. I played along. I'd...
Someone asks me if I believe in God. I laugh and say pass me the tequila. Tequila burns the way I imagine loving someone does. Best chased with something sour. ...
A group of unemployed clowns attend a therapy session. 6 clowns were banned from public parks, 4 clowns were affected by NEA budget cuts, and 7 clowns were jump...
George doesn’t eat anything except Cheerios. He says the rings remind him of Infinity and how the world continues to move even when you don’t want it to. He fin...
“My brother and I started a sandbagging company. He handles the bagging and selling. I do all of the sand finding. The gathering.”
His date moves her fork in...
The night they make us throw our words into the fire we have nothing but smiles behind our hands.
The torn sheets of Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary include a p...
This includes the pennies and nickels and dimes you hoarded when we first married and you made more money than I did and told me don’t touch those they’re mine;...
Felicia heard the birds before four and her hair was still wet from the evening’s douse. She had her mind’s eye on waking Rupert, but he was on a bunk in anothe...
I met my doppelgänger at a bar.
We dressed the same. We ate the same dish. We drank the same drink. We were born different towns with the same name. We travell...
You are holding a small sign. It says, Help. You scream, Help. A spider comes. Thank you, it says, that’s what I have been trying to say. You hold the sign up a...
Lolita: (n). 1. A book narrated by a pedophile written by a Russian 2. The book you threw at your boyfriend because it happened to be available and hefty, and t...
0th Week: Land in a country too green. Hear accents sing. Listen to your own clang like dropped pans on checkered floors.
1st Week: Cross streets. Look right. ...
Is the 30-something male caught having sex with a
mannequin head in an elevator a preexisting condition that
caused him to then set the head on fire?
Is it a co...
There’s your kindergarten teacher who saw you bite that other sticky-eyed kid over a Vienna sausage about the same size as the kid’s bloated fingers.
There’s...
So listen up. If we’re going to date I need you to understand Brooke Davis. Because she is me and I am her and if you don’t support her you don’t support me.
...
dreamstop
At the four way stop of your dream, a version of you and a long time no see friend are chatting across cars, heads spilling like jugs of formaldehy...
The dinosaurs are shy and fairly small. My T-rex waits in the foyer for the mail as the Stegosaurus munches aloe vera in the kitchen. In the garage, t...
Look, it’s not that I’m not grateful to be here, I am, I get it, I am. It’s just that I don’t think I’m a good fit. Oh, yeah, ha ha, I see how that’s funny, I’m...
The butterflies are becoming a problem. At this point they’ve reproduced several times, and my organs are littered with dead cocoon matter. I’m feeling quite cl...
I walk into an underground bank vault where my parents have planned a dinner party. There is a long oak table with 3 chairs on both of the long sides of the tab...
A circle moment as big as me. I step in and out. Each undulation hula hoop round, a frisk, a foot, a wiggling toe. Then breakfast, a thimble's eye of dough to m...
—Look at this.
—What?
—This advert. ‘Stylish, compact hearing aid remote control.’
—So?
— Don’t you see? “Let me have a go on your stylish remote co...
I never once thought of my mind as a place where thoughts would come and go until the day I needed to illuminate my “No-Vacancy” sign. I decided to build an exp...
A place out west. Google buys the countryside. Here’s how it must have happened: excavators rode at full night with bronze shovels to dig the foundation, strew ...
I. Plasticity
—So you’re saying you do think that’s how it should be. Is that what you’re saying?
—No yeah yeah yeah, that is what I’m saying. Well I mean...
I didn’t suck on any honeysuckle this year. And am reminded of this loss while looking at unremarkable green bushes with clusters of golden-y flowers that frame...