Jim the Hoarder

Laura ShellOctober 11, 2024

There you are. Never married. Never had a girlfriend for more than three days. Seriously. You're a hoarder. You buy three of everything. Kitchenware. Clothing. ...

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Unlikable Female Protagonists

Jay McKenzieOctober 4, 2024

There’s Lola who climbs out of windows to dance on tables with boys. There’s Jarrah who drinks vodka alone until she throws up. There’s Yuna who carves ruby sle...

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Night Hunter

Mark IfansonSeptember 26, 2024

She stalked her prey in the thick and humid summer night air. Having long-ago foresworn blood meals, she roamed the countryside, relying more on scent than on t...

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Pspspspsps

Steve GergleySeptember 20, 2024

Each night, while working the night shift at Hot Topic, my wife and I discuss our idea to open our own store for cats called Pspspspsps. This is our grand dream...

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World’s Greatest Dad

Samuel SmithSeptember 19, 2024

Kevin ambles through reception holding a box under one arm. With his receding hairline and oversized suit, he resembles a turtle. He bobs his head at the lady b...

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Postcard from Bummerville, USA

Elena EnderSeptember 10, 2024

Population: me There are many things about this town I don’t love, one of them being the whole ghosting of it all. I’m the only one here. It feels like every...

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Review: The Hands are Coming Too.

Lindsay ComerSeptember 5, 2024

Film Weekly Editor’s Note – After much discussion with my fellow editors, we have decided to run this final review from our long-standing reviewer Professor Ffi...

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Plant-Based Diet

Rufus GallupSeptember 1, 2024

Since the climate crisis shifted from slow-motion-train-wreck-speed to everything-being-on-fire-all-of-the-time-speed, we’ve been experimenting with some biodyn...

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The Pop Star’s Post-Breakup (?) Viral Music Video

Tina S. ZhuAugust 21, 2024

Steady bass over a sample of Bill Nye the Science Guy saying “universe” distorted beyond recognition. A frog balloon in a grocery store. The pop star dancing wi...

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I Am the Elevator You’re Stuck Inside, and Trust Me, I Don’t Want to Be Here Either

Ryan Bender-MurphyJuly 24, 2024

What the hell! You’re supposed to be having a full-blown existential crisis! Not playing solitaire while you wait for the repairman! I’m bored as fuck! If on...

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Your New Matches on Tinder

Adam McOmberJuly 23, 2024

A guy with brown hair. A guy with blond hair. A guy from down the street. You’ve seen him at the grocery store. A lawyer from Pasadena. A narcissist. An android...

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When Terri Locked Me Out of Our Doomsday Bunker

Mike ItayaJuly 22, 2024

Terri, six months ago I went on a whiskey bender and you fled our Big Bad Marriage into the doomsday bunker. I don’t want to “gloss over” here (my therapist,...

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Airplane Toilet Thought Exercise

Leo VartorellaJuly 16, 2024

You are in a bathroom stall. Doesn't matter where. It is tight. You are very aware of your knees. You are doing whatever it is you do in there. You know. The ba...

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A Letter to Peter Blume

Chad SullivanJuly 12, 2024

Blume– If only rafters buckled more easily. If only his studio had been fireproof and Agnes faithful. If only automobiles didn’t accordion against walls and ...

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Control

Terena Elizabeth BellJuly 11, 2024

for Rose & Buddy Fenster   “Of course he can do something. That doesn’t mean he’s going to.” That’s what her husband had said while they were ge...

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If San Antonio is My Final Resting Place, Just Kick Me Over the County Line

V Garmon KoskiJuly 8, 2024

  Stars and other bullshit swirl above, overdone as only the day-in-day-out night sky can be. The most hauntingly trite backdrop to meet your end beneat...

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Patience (n): the ability to tolerate delay with grace

Jennifer LaiJuly 3, 2024

c’mon lady scan faster chop chop this ain’t a talk show damn that’s a lot of cat food wow look at the lines sheesh good thing I got here early ha sucks to be th...

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Dragon Ball Z Slow Cooker / I’ll Bet $100

Luc MJuly 1, 2024

There's so many different sounds on the train i can barely take it, theres like a constant ambient droning and sharp sounds cutting through, shouts that are jus...

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Queer devil is on his way to eat at a restaurant alone

Chel BuffreyJune 25, 2024

My tail is tucked awkwardly in my jeans, taped to leg for security. This is so I don’t draw attention in public and I’m not wearing my cap that says ‘Your Brand...

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It is what it is (or, Finally! Unironically An Actual Shower Thought!!!)

Matt PatrickJune 21, 2024

“Do you know that feeling of ‘when you step in the shower and that first hot stream hits your lower back’?” -Me, in the shower, to the imagined audience of m...

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Cotton-Candy Apocalypse

Nayt RundquistJune 18, 2024

A review of Dira Tore’s Perturbation   Never have I so badly wanted to devour a film and be devoured by it. To be crushed, masticated, peristalsised all the...

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The Bad Guy

Frances KleinJune 17, 2024

My son puts on a bad guy hat and a bad guy shirt. His bad guy shoes make big bad echoes in the empty house. I am a bad guy, he tells me. I will pretend to...

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do monkeys get depressed?

Ashley PennockJune 14, 2024

<Google> do monkeys get depressed?   NHPs often experience depression similar to humans. When placed in isolation—   <Google> ...

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The Saxophone Man

Maureen O'LearyJune 12, 2024

Imagine the Victorian mansion strung in Christmas lights for Halloween at my first gig as a fake medium. Imagine that not all mediums are fake. Imagine a stomac...

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Jacques

Steve GergleyJune 11, 2024

Years ago I went to high school with a French guy who punched cobras in the face for fun. His name was Jacques. No one thought he would ever do anything with hi...

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The bully in my pillow

Kik LodgeJune 3, 2024

Just as my eyelids are set to slump, the bully in my pillow says, You really think it’s time for sleeping, you aspiring loser? Think switching off is ever going...

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Nijinsky

Cameron DarcMay 29, 2024

I pore over drawings by famous psychotics. The erotomaniac Adele Hugo’s senseless novel diary, walls of black scrawl. She was trying to mirror her father, shut ...

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Paper Airplanes

Zach Keali’i MurphyMay 28, 2024

My older brother, Kai, had a penchant for blackmailing me. To be fair, I used the same tactics against him. If he refrained from telling our parents about the t...

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Crocodile

Bridge LowerMay 27, 2024

        At night you stay awake and search.           mexico resort crocodile a...

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Have You Seen Her?

D.T. RobbinsMay 17, 2024

We have this thing where if we get too close, our heads explode and we die. I go, “I’ll live underground, you live aboveground. The layers of dirt and rock w...

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