There you are. Never married. Never had a girlfriend for more than three days. Seriously. You're a hoarder. You buy three of everything. Kitchenware. Clothing. ...
There’s Lola who climbs out of windows to dance on tables with boys. There’s Jarrah who drinks vodka alone until she throws up. There’s Yuna who carves ruby sle...
She stalked her prey in the thick and humid summer night air. Having long-ago foresworn blood meals, she roamed the countryside, relying more on scent than on t...
Each night, while working the night shift at Hot Topic, my wife and I discuss our idea to open our own store for cats called Pspspspsps. This is our grand dream...
Kevin ambles through reception holding a box under one arm. With his receding hairline and oversized suit, he resembles a turtle. He bobs his head at the lady b...
Population: me
There are many things about this town I don’t love, one of them being the whole ghosting of it all. I’m the only one here. It feels like every...
Film Weekly Editor’s Note – After much discussion with my fellow editors, we have decided to run this final review from our long-standing reviewer Professor Ffi...
Since the climate crisis shifted from slow-motion-train-wreck-speed to everything-being-on-fire-all-of-the-time-speed, we’ve been experimenting with some biodyn...
Steady bass over a sample of Bill Nye the Science Guy saying “universe” distorted beyond recognition. A frog balloon in a grocery store. The pop star dancing wi...
What the hell! You’re supposed to be having a full-blown existential crisis! Not playing solitaire while you wait for the repairman! I’m bored as fuck!
If on...
A guy with brown hair. A guy with blond hair. A guy from down the street. You’ve seen him at the grocery store. A lawyer from Pasadena. A narcissist. An android...
Terri, six months ago I went on a whiskey bender and you fled our Big Bad Marriage into the doomsday bunker.
I don’t want to “gloss over” here (my therapist,...
You are in a bathroom stall. Doesn't matter where. It is tight. You are very aware of your knees. You are doing whatever it is you do in there. You know. The ba...
Blume–
If only rafters buckled more easily. If only his studio had been fireproof and Agnes faithful. If only automobiles didn’t accordion against walls and ...
Stars and other bullshit swirl above, overdone as only the day-in-day-out night sky can be. The most hauntingly trite backdrop to meet your end beneat...
c’mon lady scan faster chop chop this ain’t a talk show damn that’s a lot of cat food wow look at the lines sheesh good thing I got here early ha sucks to be th...
There's so many different sounds on the train i can barely take it, theres like a constant ambient droning and sharp sounds cutting through, shouts that are jus...
My tail is tucked awkwardly in my jeans, taped to leg for security. This is so I don’t draw attention in public and I’m not wearing my cap that says ‘Your Brand...
“Do you know that feeling of ‘when you step in the shower and that first hot stream hits your lower back’?”
-Me, in the shower, to the imagined audience of m...
A review of Dira Tore’s Perturbation
Never have I so badly wanted to devour a film and be devoured by it. To be crushed, masticated, peristalsised all the...
My son puts on a bad guy hat and a bad guy shirt. His bad guy shoes make big bad echoes in the empty house.
I am a bad guy, he tells me.
I will pretend to...
Imagine the Victorian mansion strung in Christmas lights for Halloween at my first gig as a fake medium. Imagine that not all mediums are fake. Imagine a stomac...
Years ago I went to high school with a French guy who punched cobras in the face for fun. His name was Jacques. No one thought he would ever do anything with hi...
Just as my eyelids are set to slump, the bully in my pillow says, You really think it’s time for sleeping, you aspiring loser? Think switching off is ever going...
I pore over drawings by famous psychotics. The erotomaniac Adele Hugo’s senseless novel diary, walls of black scrawl. She was trying to mirror her father, shut ...
My older brother, Kai, had a penchant for blackmailing me. To be fair, I used the same tactics against him. If he refrained from telling our parents about the t...
We have this thing where if we get too close, our heads explode and we die.
I go, “I’ll live underground, you live aboveground. The layers of dirt and rock w...