Captain’s Log, Stardate 2376.8. When returning to the Enterprise from a routine time research mission on Earth, 1959, the landing party – Scotty, McCoy and myself – have discovered what appears to be a time anomaly. Not only has Communication Officer Uhuru been relegated to what is described as ‘laundry duties,’ but Mr. Spock is now working below decks as a ‘stevedore.’ Meanwhile, both Mr. Sulu and Mr. Chekov are nowhere to be found onboard, replaced by other – distinctly American-born – bridge officers.
“Mr. Scott, Doctor McCoy, to my quarters for a debriefing.” “Aye aye Cap’in” responded Scotty, while ‘Bones’ glowered with disapproval at the altered personnel on the bridge. They immediately went into conference in Kirk’s personal quarters.
“Gentlemen, status report.” McCoy responded first, analyzing his medical tricorder. “All medical indications read normal, Jim. This appears to be a wrinkle in anthropological development sustained during our visit to earth.” Kirk considered. “The demotion of both Spock and Uhuru to what used to be called ‘menial labor’ reminds me of my studies of 20th century Earth, when different parts of the population were segregated into skilled and unskilled professions, based on nationality or other meaningless outward distinctions. Suddenly, Scotty yelped. “Cap’in,” he stammered. “I cannot believe it but I believe I’ve been a fool. I don’t seem to have my engineering tricorder on me. I must have left it somewhere before we beamed up.”
“Do you know what this means?” McCoy groused. “Somebody from 1959 must have found that device and studied it. Jim, the advanced technology in it would have serious repercussions on the development of that time period. And our time period.” Kirk furrowed his brow. “I believe that is the most likely conclusion. We have a problem. We are going to need the assistance of both Spock and Uhuru to sort this out without causing further ruptures to the timeline. Bones, call both of them into Med Bay for ‘routine checkups’ and, then on my signal, Scotty, you transport all of us back to Earth 1959.”
1.
Upon returning to San Francisco, all wearing era-appropriate costumes, Spock was the first to voice his confusions. “Captain, although I regard taking me and wash-woman Uhuru on this high-level mission as a considerable complement to our trustworthiness, I do not find so doing to be entirely logical, if I may be so bold to speak ‘out of turn.’” Uhuru timidly nodded in agreement. Kirk patted his shoulder paternally. “Mr. Spock, consider this scenario scientifically. In the normal course of intergalactic development, there are no prejudices in the Federation. Bigotry was abolished on Earth in the year 2065. You are the Science Officer of the U.S.S. Enterprise – and a highly esteemed one at that – and Uhuru, you are the valued Communications Officer. Both of you have worked with me on the bridge for years. What we have experienced is a time anomaly in which social progress has been impeded by an acceleration of technological process.” The landing party all looked up and surveyed the street activity around them. Crowds of people, dressed in the fashion of 1959, were coming and going, all the while staring blankly into their iPhones.
“Fascinating, Captain,” Spock intoned. “I believe I may have a theory. It would seem probable, by the proliferation of what was known as ‘the internet’ in the early 21st century (before society wisely abandoned it) in this more socially conservative time period, that subsequent social development may have been retarded.” Kirk nodded in assent. “Of course! What I remember of that time is there was a socially dynamic decade known as ‘The Sixties’ when civil participation led to further peaceful evolution of the species. Apparently the introduction of the internet into this timeline negated that evolution. It’s as if ‘The Sixties’ didn’t happen, which rebounded all the way to our era, as we saw on the Enterprise.”
“I thought washing and ironing shirts all day long didn’t exactly feel normal,” Uhuru added.
“This is ironic considering that the Sixties’ generation developed the fool addictive tech in the first place,” McCoy grumbled.
“So, what’s our next move, Cap’in,” Scotty solicitously inquired. “It might help if we had one of these hand-held computers ourselves to study.” “Exactly,” Kirk rejoined. Instantly Mr. Spock gave one of the passing pedestrians a Vulcan neck pinch and retrieved the man’s iPhone as the man slumped onto a bus stop bench. He handed it to Uhuru. “That’s right,” Kirk said, “since you’re really the Communications Officer, it’s your job to figure out how these devices operate.” Uhuru demurred. “But Captain, please remember, in our present-time, I’ve only washed and ironed shirts as my Starfleet assignment. I’ll never…” and, absently scrolling across the screen, looked up and continued: “Oh! Never mind. It only takes a minute to figure out how these primitive machines work. A child could operate one.”
And soon enough, it was decided that, to analyze history with as little disruption as possible, the landing party from the Enterprise needed to visit a particular man located in a place called Montgomery, Alabama.
2.
Exiting a Greyhound bus, McCoy was the first to venture an opinion on travel accommodations on Earth, circa 1959. “Well, that sucked,” he said, brushing cigarette ashes from his sleeve. Uhuru was the last to join them, saying, “Well, Doctor, you finally found something you like less than the transporter – the ‘Whites-Only’ section of a Segregation-era Southern bus. At least you got to use the restroom.” Kirk interrupted them. “No time for quibbles now, people, we’ve got to find a church located on Dexter Avenue. It’ll probably have a rest room you can use.” And, using the handy GPS on Uhuru’s iPhone, the crew found themselves in the company of one Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
“We offer extraordinary greetings to you, Doctor,” Kirk announced, following a round of introductions. “What ideas might you have regarding desegregating buses and other public institutions in the South?” King looked up nervously, his eyes landing on Uhuru. “I’m not sure that I have any ideas that I would care to share at this moment,” he said firmly but respectfully. Sensing an impasse, Spock removed his fedora, revealing his distinctive Vulcan ears, and said, “Doctor King, you must not permit any ambivalences about white-skinned strangers to temper your comments at this time. We are visiting you under great duress and have only the best intentions for your species.”
King looked at Spock thoughtfully, and quipped, “Well, obviously, you’re no Southern boy. What do you interesting strangers propose? There’s been prejudice and oppression for generations and generations here. My ministry attempts to counter that with glowing faith in a brighter future – and, miraculously, the new technology of the internet has greatly aided the ambitions of those who dream of a happier society. On Twitter, you see, there is no segregation. On Facebook, we’re all equals before God and the algorithms of product placement.” There was a stunned silence, interrupted by McCoy muttering, “Well, I’ll be damned.”
“Of course,” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. continued, “There are the usual flame wars. Ella Baker and the SNCC have their hashtag cancelling tactics and the NAACP have their rival pages full of disinformation but, nevertheless, the internet provides a freedom of mobility that progressives never had before.” Kirk looked skeptical. “And what about Rosa Parks? Did she refuse to surrender her seat?” King was conscientious but puzzled. “Her seat on a bus? Why would she bother? She uses Uber to go to her seamstress job. Her fare is crowdsourced. After all, Parks has half a million followers on Instagram. That’s what it’s all about – getting ‘Likes.’ We tactically gave up on operating IRL a few years back. Everything’s online now.”
Kirk shot a glance at Spock. “Curious, Captain,” Spock surmised. “It is obvious that, in this timeline’s development, the Civil Rights struggle manifested itself online, not in actual non-violent civil disobedience demonstrations.” McCoy grimaced, sadly adding, “But that’s not natural human behavior, Jim. The internet has made even progressive inhabitants psychologically stunted by the illusion of online democracy.”
“Yes, Bones,” Kirk concluded. “That’s probably why the internet was abandoned in 2032. It was determined by society that algorithms eroded free will.”
“What next?” McCoy asked. “How can we undo the damage?”
3.
Back in the street, local police attempted to arrest Uhuru for “attempting to solicit proper law-abiding gentlemen” but Kirk manfully intervened. The officer deferred, giving her a stern warning, and pointed to a poster on the side of a building: George Wallace’s portrait with the motto ‘Think Different.’ They all decided to return to San Francisco where the police presence would be reduced.
On the bus trip back, Uhuru studied the iPhone while Spock unobtrusively conducted tricorder readings. “Yes, Captain,” he reported, “there are several indications that substantiate the theory that ‘The Sixties’ never happened. Using the time-forwarding function of my tricorder, I have discovered some interesting cultural facts. Although it wouldn’t seem significant, a musical combo called the Beatles broke up in 1966 after a file-sharing platform called Napster demonetized all album sales. This development curbed the use of a drug called LSD among the young generation which resulted in an increase in university computer sciences. A professor named Timothy Leary urged ‘nonconformists’ to ‘log on’ and build ‘platforms.’ Subsequently, a venture capital group known as Yippies LLC supported President Goldwater’s proposals to censor the internet in the interests in ‘unfriending the Commies.’ It seems ‘The Sixties’ as you studied it at the Academy, was significantly altered.”
Meanwhile, Scotty noticed that Uhuru was becoming addicted to FarmVille and suggested she give the iPhone to him “for safekeeping.” After he got addicted to tribble videos, Captain Kirk ordered, “Turn that foul contraption off.” That in turn gave him an idea.
“Bones, recall some of our other encounters with AI across the galaxy –” “Yes, Jim, there was the Nomad operating system which wiped out the Malurian System’s 4 billion inhabitants –” Kirk smiled. “Then there was the Landru installed on Beta III which reduced the population to ‘vacant contentment’ as Spock observed at the time.” “Yes, and there was the Vaal OS on Gamma Trianguli which gave the natives a child-like state of incomprehensibility.” “Of course, Jim! In each instance, you decided to destroy the computer programming! It doesn’t violate the Prime Directive because the Prime Directive only applies to intelligent life!”
They had a plan. But how to execute it? How would they break the internet’s chokehold on human social development in 1959? Uhuru was the first with an idea. “Captain, while I was locked into the internet’s tractor beam, I noticed a ‘viral’ obsession with cartoons and toys, as if everyone on Earth wanted to remain in a pre-adult mentality. I suggest we use this susceptibility to lure the population into overloading the data centers, almost all of which are centralized at a company called AT&T.” Scotty considered that, then said, “I could push the central search engine towards meltdown using reverse polarities, providing we can locate a suitable ‘bait’ for the population to download simultaneously.”
“I think I have the answer, Captain,” Spock intoned, scanning his tricorder for data. “Offer a free link to a movie called Barbie, starring Marilyn Monroe.”
“Barbie?” asked McCoy. “What’s that?”
“A children’s doll,” answered Uhuru.
“That’s ridiculous” McCoy griped. “Nobody in their right mind would want to watch a feature-length film about a plastic toy.”
“Wait,” Scotty said, conferring with Uhuru as they looked at her communicator’s dashboard.
“It’s already worked, Captain,” Spock intoned, analyzing his tricorder. Five billion simultaneous downloads on our Barbie link at Facebook just crashed the internet permanently. It appears AT&T’s servers have just dissolved into electronic dust.”
“Fine work!” said Captain Kirk, whipping out his communicator. “Bridge, Kirk here. Five to beam up!”
“Aye aye, Captain,” Mr. Sulu’s competent voice replied.
“Well, whadda know,” McCoy smiled before the transporter beams began. “Civilization saved by Barbie.”