I ordered the Chinese combo option the night the revolution was televised. I would have given it an Up High, because it was free, but I’m gonna give it a Mid because the egg roll was cold. There were more guns on TV that day than a Matrix marathon. At first, I was like, What? But then no one said anything, so I was like, Whatever.
I thought it was Very Lame when the Red Pill Revue was the only thing we could watch for three days because what about my freedom, right? Why can’t I watch something else? That’s when we found out they shut down all streaming channels.
So, yeah, it sucked for a while but I gotta admit it was Genius Level when that box of Merica Merch arrived full of T-shirts, mugs, caps, food delivery cards, and collectible decorator bullets. Plus, they gave us the Trad Pad for free and now it’s what everyone uses. It tracks your Patriot Points and then you get more merch which just shows you how much the new regime is taking care of the little guy.
Scheduling the Congressional Cage Match for right after Celebrity Bachelorettes Survive Tampa was Meta. Though I have to say that the blood in the sand was super gross. Bloodier than a rose ceremony on Last Chance for Romance or whatever, lol, right?
I don’t know if you know this about me, but I used to call those people who got high, “those people.” But Patriot Weed is different. They give jobs to brain injury vets. And to the bleeding hearts who say, “just give them money,” I say – what about their dignity? Those vets would rather have a job than just be given money no matter how brain injured they might be. I wish I could work but I’d lose my disability.
I was just digging into my Liberty Lo Mein when they announced that the FDA would become the Federal Disciplinary Authority and they changed the FCC to Federal Crimes and Competition, which basically means the Food Network is now the Justice Department. The new season of Chopped to Death sounds gruesome but that’s what you get for unpatriotic thoughts.
Quick shout-out to /DeepState69, web sleuth, and citizen journalist. He won a press pass in a lottery and next thing you know he was taking selfies inside the White House telling his followers to stand by because it was going to get wild. I thought ok here we go – they’re finally going to reveal the Illuminati. But it turned out to be something different.
The switch to congress from the bloody beach was Giving Total Buffy because it literally slayed. The best three hours of the regime change IMHO. It was a total Drama Alert when that lady who wanted to be president started sobbing because they voted to suspend the Constitution. I cried too when they marched her out to the firing squad. They said that she deserved it for doing a bunch of crimes against the state. I don’t really know. I try to avoid politics.
Anyway, it’s only temporary, right? Just until they clean the swamp. Until then we get double points for Patriot Beer, which means I get my Tactical Camo Jacket with Tactical Night Vision Goggles double fast, which means I get what I wanted anyway. I don’t even think anyone was using those rights most of the time.
Gotta hand the transition team Major Squad Goals because it feels like it’s always been this way even though it’s only been a few months. I guess a few people went to the relocation camps, but only the ones who don’t belong here, mostly. Besides, they were all groomers and commies so that’s all good, I guess.
It is my own opinion that the Wokelord Chucklehead Late Night Losers brought it all on themselves, and I’m not just saying that so that I can be entered in a drawing to win a Tactical Camo Backpack. They insisted on doing that fake news live show. Something about it being the 100th anniversary of the FCC and civil rights and due process blah blah boring AF.
Kimmel was the first late night guy to go. For me, this was awesome, because I won the pool on my betting app. They marched him and the entire audience out because they were all Marxists, anarchists, and Very Bad People.
The courts decided that Colbert and Myers were safe in New Libtard City, but they disappeared anyway. I heard they were seen working the fields at one of those Woke Force camps in Panama.
Conan’s new show, “The Face of the Resistance” hasn’t been banned yet from Merica Net. It’s mostly just him and that dog puppet in Ireland where he was granted asylum. Hey, did you hear? Fallon is the new official Jester. He’s like the 23rd one, right? I wish that kid luck.
Yeah, stuff is still expensive, but the economy is always going to suck, and you can’t really blame it all on just the President, and he did make it possible for poor kids to work night shifts in factories and that’s good, right? Everything still sucks but at least the T-shirts are cool, right?
Anyway, thanks for the call but I have to go. My show is about to start. The new cast of Survivor: Guantanamo features all the Dirty Dems who stole the election. Getting voted off the island gives Shark Tank a whole new meaning.