If everyone just starts eating we can probably eat the whole earth in a week.

Find out what’s really down there. I’m suspicious. Don’t trust anything where people are like don’t eat that, it’s gonna be lava. I don’t think lava is a thing. Don’t threaten me with lava. I’ll call your bluff. People on the other side of the world, start eating. We’ll meet in the middle with mouths full of rocks. Be like the scene from Lady and the Tramp except instead of spaghetti it’s everything else. At a certain point we’ll eat enough to un-gravity the moon. It’ll wobble off through the galaxy. If we time it right we can aim that shit at Mars. Fuck Mars. I’ll hit Mars with the moon. That’s how we’ll know we’re getting somewhere, is we’ll look up and the moon will be gone. Stockholm syndrome-having fuck. Half of you gotta get straws and do something about oceans. Drink em and piss em out somewhere else. Piss on the moon, if it’s not too late. Get it off the planet so I can eat. I don’t trust this place. Loopy fuckin thing. I deserve better than to spin around my whole entire life. Can you imagine how awesome it would feel if we stopped? Spinning, orbiting, orbiting, spinning. You’re used to it, it’s fine, but what if it could stop? What if we were the only things in the universe that were still. Imagine the relief. Peace and quiet. Your inner ear or whatever. I just want to stand still for a minute. I’m gonna go out to the front yard and start eating. People will get it. They’ll see what I’m doing. They’ll be like, I can’t believe I didn’t think of this myself. Everyone’s gonna want a piece. Basically no mysteries we can’t solve by eating them. If there’s a hell I’m gonna chew through its roof. I punched Mars with the moon, what’s good Satan. Fucker better not start hollering about lakes of lava. I’m onto that shit.