Get An Ego
Ego? Boom! You’re already done with step 1. Wasn’t that easy? Id? Superego? I don’t know what those are—unimportant psycho babble. If you have your ego then you’re well on your way to snuffing it out and tossing it in the sewage runoff of oblivion.
Find Some Money—And A Lot Of It
To commit egocide it’s best to have a sugar momma or daddy, African emerald mine, or cryptocurrency company/tech startup. These ego-culling retreats in premier vacation spots don’t come cheap! Wouldn’t it be nice to do it the free way sitting under a fig tree, but we’re not all Keanu Reeves.
Get To Know The Ego Death Scene
Every retreat experience is different, and many of these ego-eradicating substances have rich shamanistic traditions that should be thoroughly understood before imbibing. Ayahuasca: native to the jungles of the Amazon, drunk out of a dried gourd, tastes like butt and will likely make you puke. Psilocybin mushrooms: contain the secrets of the universe and grow out of cow poo—remarkable stuff, GI issues expected. Bufo: what the fuck is that? People smoking toad venom, really?? Well there you go, ego control is a booming industry!
Pick A Retreat And Commit
You’re almost to ego death paradise. Sure, it can be scary and unsettling to fly to a foreign country and entrust your unconscious, hallucinating self to a “Doctor” in Crocs and a leopard robe, but why not go with the flow? Trusting strangers and letting go (sometimes into unconsciousness) is part of the process. These shamanistic men anointed with vanilla patchouli are experts in the field of ego capital punishment.
Be Patient For Depersonalization
Egos are a bit like chia pets in that they require frequent neglect to die. And lots of direct sunlight. When you finally smother your ego under the—well, wait…why are we so eager to silence our inner selves…haven’t they helped us realize our dreams in some ways?—anyway, long story short, when it happens, you will know. All your worries will become background noise. You will be filled with nirvanic peace. Developing a feeling of pity for others weighed down by their little egos is normal.
Turn Your Moment Of Enlightenment Into A Business
Spread the ego death love—teach others the way. And since you’ve become an expert at egolessness, why not charge a little for your services? You may not have an ego but you still got a stomach. Some might claim it’s hypocritical to charge for what they say is an “overpriced, rebranded psychedelic trip,” but that’s just their fragile egos talking. And they’re narcissists anyways.
Label Anyone Who Disagrees With You A Narcissist.
The narcissist phase of ego death—it’s harsh but necessary. Once you’ve survived dis-incarnation, many people are going to be jealous, and you’re going to have to isolate yourself. In your private time away from the tutelage of ego extermination, only the company of other ego vamps (as we prefer to be called) will be tolerable. For more on spotting the ego death buzz kills of the world, check out my latest piece: “7 Ways To Spot A Narcissist And Know It’s Definitely Not You!”
If The Drugs Don’t Work, Try Again
It’s important to try and try again, especially when expensive substances are involved. Some out-there people have suggested that we can forget our egos simply by putting the needs of others above our own, by serving something larger than ourselves—that only then can we forget our shouting inner-selves. But clearly those people have never smoked peyote buttons dipped in toad venom.