Kevin Lee McLary is a West Michigan based poet. He is the author of Life is Great & I Love My Friends, a chapbook reflecting on the importance of companionship. Kevin is most thankful for wholesome jokes, people that help one another, and a comfortable bed to sleep in.
NICE FLUFFY BIRDS YOU MIGHT WANT TO GO TO A TUBA CONCERT WITH
Penguins. Other birds might be scared of live tuba. I know I would be. I feel like the entire concert would be chaos in general. I feel like no one could resist throwing old cabbage at the players in an attempt to land the cabbage in the tubas.
REDESIGN THE WAY PARKING LOTS ARE
I’m going to level with you here, I know angled parking is more efficient, but I don’t like it. I drive an old station wagon. Do you know how hard it is to get out of tiny angled parking lots without bumping some super expensive car with the driver still inside it? I’d say “above medium difficulty,” personally.
EXPLAIN TO THE WORLD WHY TOAST MAKES THE BEST SOCKS
Toast socks are very avant-garde in their design, but toast is also incredibly warm out of the toaster, so if you really think about it, they’re very functional too.
REMEMBER A TREE YOU HAVE LOVED
I once saw some redwood trees in California. While viewing these giant wooden monoliths, I saw one stripped of its bark and branches. The whole experience made me quite sad. Anyway, yeah, I really loved that tree despite it making me sad, and I think that’s a lesson we can all grow from.
SOMEONE YOU’D LIKE TO GIVE A REALLY DELUXE BOX OF CRAYONS TO AND WHY
I’m going to assume that since I can afford to buy a Deluxe box of crayons as a gift, that I can also afford a time machine, (Assuming it’s on sale) and say that I’d go back in time to give said box of crayons to author Harlan Ellison. He wrote a lot of Doom & Gloom Sc-Fi in the 60’s and 70’s and he seemed like he was sad pretty much 100% of the time, so I think knowing that the future was deluxe boxes of crayons instead of the extinction of humanity would probably help his existential dread.
TELL US ABOUT DELIGHTFUL CONDIMENT COMBINATIONS
Ketchup and mayo? Thousand Island and mayo? I’m not much of a condiment dude. I really like Thousand Island. It goes well on burgers and salads.
WILD ANIMALS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH AND WHY
Kangaroos: I like the way they hop, also I am terrified of their ability to kill someone with a single kick.
Lobsters: claws are pretty cool, and look good next to a sunset.
Snowy Owls: their owlets are incredibly cute, and their majesty is unrivaled.
RECENT SATISFYING MOMENTS OF JOYFUL TOMFOOLERY FROM YOUR OWN LIFE. OR: SHENANIGANS? PRANKS? HORSEPLAY? CAPERS? SCHEMES? ETC.
I don’t like pranks, unless a friendly prank is possible? Shenanigans are one of my top priorities, I must admit shenanigans is one my favorite words to say aloud. Horseplay is a very fun expression. I am all about capers and schemes. Batman used to solve capers, now he only handles the big time cases. Leaves you wondering who REALLY protects Gotham.
DESCRIBE A WONDERFUL NEW KIND OF HAT YOU’D LIKE TO WEAR PROUDLY IN A BOWLING ALLEY
I’d mix the bravery of a ten gallon hat, with the height of a top hat. It would be iconic, worn in bowling alleys all over the world.
DESCRIBE WHAT YOUR GUITAR SOLO WOULD SOUND LIKE RIGHT NOW IF YOU WERE PLAYING A GUITAR SOLO RIGHT NOW
BUM BUM BUDDA BUHHH BUM BUM BA DA DA MEEEEEEWWWWW DUN DUN DUH DUH DA BUM BUM DU DA DUN DUN DUH DUN DUN DUH DOOOOOOOOOOOW MEEEDLY MEEEWW MEEEEEEEDELLEELLELELELELELELEELELELY MEEEEEEEEEEEEW
pssst. need more Kevin Lee stuff? Here ya go: