In the beginning of summer, there was a shortage of childcare workers in the area and working parents had few options. So local businesses brainstormed and decided more robots would solve the problem. The word got out that a new Chuck E. Cheese-like restaurant and entertainment zone had transitioned into a more educational version of itself. Instead of simple arcade games, basketball shooting, and skeeball, each game taught basic math, problem solving skills, and puzzles involving names of presidents and state capitals. The kids still loved it because with each win they would exchange their “kill” tokens for small stuffed animals and penny candy just as before.
That was the promise. The major sticking point was that the company also claimed that it had changed the computer chips of its Automaton chimps to sing more educationally minded songs and also improved the technology to include a feature that sounded an alarm if their eyes detected any child in distress (Distress- choking on pizza, hand stuck in the machine, fighting, etc.). The crucial point was that alongside the robots there would be a few certified human professionals to make sure everything went smoothly. Just in case.
The next few weeks saw a huge boom in business. The instant feedback was that the kids loved the prizes and the pizza. However, the parents noticed that their children were very tired when they picked them up and for some reason didn’t adjust to the summer sun very well when they came back outside. They brushed that aside as they noticed an improvement on their student’s practice test scores for the IARs (Illinois Assessment of Readiness tests) coming in the fall. Every day the line of Chevy Suburbans and Dodge Caravans waited to drop these children off in the humid prairie morning, they were always greeted at the front door with smiles by the certified professionals in matching ‘safari’ garb, as the children disappeared into the cool, dark expanse.
Finally, as summer waned into August, some of the kids started to develop deep wrinkles around their eyes. One more observant mother became concerned and demanded to know why her boy looked like he aged years in a few weeks. The head safari “guide” at first discouraged her from entering, saying it will damage the sanctity of the “kid-dom”. The mother pushed him out of the way, entering the air-conditioned darkness into what seemed to be exactly as was described, a somewhat manic, but overall organized ‘fun zone’. As she monitored the scene, she noticed a corner with a bright light. As she approached the corner, the staff scattered. She observed a photo shoot space with a cheaply painted backdrop of the Serengeti, and a boy with a painted face, in a tiger costume, playfully roaring at the camera which was being controlled by an animatronic chimp, goofily repeating, “Cheese!” She looked up in horror— there were 2 signs hanging above the line of children waiting to get their picture taken: 1. ALL EYES ON CHIMPY! 2. THESE PICTURES NEED TO BE PERFECT FOR ALL OUR LOYAL CUSTOMERS! All of a sudden, the animatronic band turns on and counts off into “Jungle Love” by The Steve Miller Band. Their eyes shine in the lights and their limbs herky jerk as she runs back out into the parking lot.