After the final scene of S1 E3 of The Sopranos, “Denial, Anger, Acceptance”
At my kid’s concerts, I see the montage:
Meadow Soprano sings a choir solo while
Christopher Moltisanti shits his pants on the dock and yells
I don’t wanna die now and
Brendan bleeds out, cigarette floating in the bloody water
bare foot twitching on the edge of the bathtub while
Tony chokes back tears, tries to hold
Carmela’s hand in the auditorium while
Meadow sings all through the night
My choir kid sometimes sings a solo too,
onstage, dressy clothes, hair glowing in the spotlight.
I’m Tony. I ache at sound of her voice,
feel the brush of her dad’s shoulder.
The whole crowd—all broken, monsters, victims, dead or dying.
But not now
not in these purple fabric seats
not tonight.
When we nibble cookies on tiny napkins in
the school commons after the concert
I am no monster