There’s so many different sounds on the train i can barely take it, theres like a constant ambient droning and sharp sounds cutting through, shouts that are just visible, hunched over, tense
for some, it’s a full time occupation; meaning that at least you’re making yourself occupied. For others, it’s fun for a week and for others it’s still an inconvenience.
I’m only here because I have to be, so please don’t look at me. I’m not a European with a sense of shame because I know you’re not looking at me. I know because I’m not looking at anyone, and when I do they leave my mind immediately, even when it feels like they’re competing for me to look.
I’ll bet $100 that bar is down the street from your apartment in Williamsburg and you didn’t give any consideration to the fact that I live on the west side of Manhattan. Why would you suggest that I put in all the effort while making it so easy to go back to your place? As if I want to go to your place and as if Manhattan doesnt have patios?
It’s a biblical flood. I’m seeing commodity fetishism everywhere and I feel so Catholically guilty. there i go consuming media again as if there’s something else to consume. I can’t help but feel holier than thou sometimes. as a blessed Creator.
I made my first slow cooker meal. I cleaned my house and cooked and felt like a really ok person. One who lives tactfully. One who is organized and prepared and meal prepped for maybe three days max.
The rain has gone for three days max. Maybe longer. I anxiously wring my hands. I hope no one is taking a picture. I just want to play runescape in a friend’s laundry room/basement. i just want to hang out in the living room with all the other parents and drink the recession away one corona at a time. I just want to listen to a Johnny Cash cassette or to Fergie, the first Iron Man movie on the tv.
I open and then close a notebook over and over. I look over to the tv. two men boxing and bloody. Is that something? I look at your glistening bejeweled hat. someone has a bloody nose. I need some air.
This feels like necromancy- and that’s not ok guys- when I stir myself to rise and drag myself outside. one foot in front of the other foot.