I’m Andromeda DeMayo.
I’m eight-years-old
Have an IQ of 160
And I’m in Mensa.
I’m in the gifted class in school—second place to Polly McKreckles.
Well, with my vast knowledge, I wanted to provide you with some trick-or-treating advice using my favorite author Cormac McCarthy and his most famous novel—Blood Meridian.
First, never go anywhere alone.
You need 4 people:
4 Horse picture cards,
4 Ghostbusters,
4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and
4 members of the Glanton Gang.
Four is ideal. Because you have protection with four.
Because like when my brother, Adonis was left alone without his group, the bigger boys came upon him, attacked, and ripped at his bag of candy.
Brutally beaten he yelled in the night Captain Rhodes’s line from Day of the Dead “choke on them” meaning the candy – not his organs – Gross! He’s a boy and likes zombie movies. He’s so dramatic!
Second, the costume is essential. My sister Aphrodite would put this at Number 1, but we know it’s Number 2.
Like last year when I wanted to be “the lady in the jakes” and my mother called me a harlot; even though my mother dressed up as Grace Kelly with her head through a steering wheel.
Some nerve – calling me a harlot!
My brother thought it was cool that I played a dead woman. His usual Captain Rhodes outfit on, he declared “where does it say we’ve got to keep these dumb fucks next door sleeping next to us? Where does it say we don’t shoot those mothers in the head?!”
I told him that I liked his “Judge” way of thinking, but when we need them to work and feed us…
Which leads to Number 3.
The social contract of Halloween is “Trick-or-Treat” The house bribes kids with a treat, but once the bribe is taken you leave the house alone.
Like with the Glanton Gang. Give them a job, pay them and they leave.
So, when they don’t pony a bribe you trick.
The Glanton Gang would burn the house down, but prisons smell.
So, we use my brother (part of the reason you need four people)
So, when the treat is not provided you place an incendiary device that explodes movie blood.
That lasts longer than eggs or toilet paper.
They remember that,
And that is my advice for Halloween.
Take it from me.
I’m in Mensa