The Doctor

The doctor says doctor things.
 
You have somethingitis.
 
The doctor prescribes medications and recommends bedrest and fluids and Wheel of Fortune. You grind up the pills and snort them. You spin the wheel. You throw knives at the wall. Somehow, you miss the wall. You are not sure how that is possible. Was there an open window?
 
The doctor says more doctor things.
 
You have anotheritis.
 
You get an IV drip and an oxygen mask. You determine that this is the same type of oxygen mask that astronauts use. You jab a flag into the doctor’s arm and claim this hospital for the United States of America. The doctor ups your dosage and smiles and laughs and annexes your adjustable bed in the name of Martians everywhere. The doctor’s lips melt. You watch Jeopardy and slurp your hospital Jell-O.
 
You have visitors.
 
The doctor says everything is okay.