Okay everybody, welcome to this rail bike activity where you will embark on a four-wheeled bike that runs on railroad tracks for ten miles! If you’re wearing sunscreen on your face, be aware that you’ll be a gnat magnet by the end of the ride! Each rail bike has three seats, but we always need two people pedaling, otherwise the pedal-assisting system will not engage, the rail bike will lose balance, and it might fall or, worse, stop! And if it stops, you won’t be able to make it move forward unless someone pushes it from behind! Which might happen if there is a rail bike pileup! Which would be most inconvenient, as there are no seat belts on board! That’s why it’s important to respect a safety distance of fifty processionary caterpillars between you and the next bike!
If you see a stop sign while going uphill, please, do not stop! You might not be able to start the rail bike again, create another rail bike pileup, and we might get even more neighbors to become our enemies! Also, the red stains you might spot near the residential areas are not blood, they are paprika sauce that looks like blood!
Notice that you have two brake levers on board to stop the rail bike in case of a problem! If you try each one and find out that neither of them works, then stop pedaling and try to stay still, but don’t look up because ticks tend to fall from trees and we haven’t been able to cover the patches on the rail bike ‘roofs’ yet! You can even start counting all the gnats on your face and neck, and bonus points if you swallowed one in one of your cavities!
Whenever you feel like the pedal-assisting system starts getting rowdy, use the water spray placed on the side of your rail bike to cool it down! The railroad tracks have been there since 1905, so they tend to be very loud! That’s why we are offering you, for a small additional fee, some noise-canceling headphones! I must legally warn you that we don’t clean them in between customers and that some people might or might not have had dermatological problems after the ride!
And to answer the lady’s previous question in the back, yes, we are legally obliged to keep your bank information for up to one month until the bike ride is over, and no, we won’t charge you for a raccoon exterminator because of a raccoon problem caused by them eating the wires of our pedal-assisting system, like some people have lied about on TripAdvisor and been duly reported for breaking community guidelines!
Before I forget, fun fact for the kids on board: there is a small game for you during the ride, as we have placed five banners in the trees for you to find! There is a pigeon, a sheep, a sloth, a pig, and a dodo! And you might win a free expired, unrefrigerated ice cream that doesn’t melt if you figure out which one you are! Plus, you can use that ice cream as shampoo! After checking your hair, scalp, and behind the ears for ticks, of course!