i offer my deepest regrets
for misreading the vibe
at the John Deere Netflix Unscripted Series Pre-Awards Show Cocktail Half-Hour event Tuesday night.
we are, first and foremost, improvisers.
we live for the yes, and.
the more, please.
this is how we won Best Couple-Adjacent Team.
we carry that energy offstage, Janet.
you carried it in
your nude, freckled, outstretched arm
at the autograph table.
pardon me, Janet.
it looked delicious and
i think you knew that.
have we learned nothing about
each other over the last six weeks?
of course i took a nibble.
sue me.
wait—don’t.
look, if it makes you feel better, you may
bite me
in a location of your choosing.
then we can call it even.
don’t be a bitch, Janet.
what’s a little flesh wound between friends?