Fisherman Peter caught the gay merman with queerbait.
Explicit gay content was illegal on land, even in pursuit of mermen flesh. Luckily, fishermen learned how...
Broken pens, Bic lighters, and sticky dimes and pennies floated up through the cushions of the sofa and pinched the thighs of the teenagers who were all suppose...
In Kenosha I fell in love with the sunrise. The lighter found my cigarette and the sugar free redbull was right beside me in the cupholder. The turf grass lawn ...
There are pigeons in Times Square. Not just strutting like usual—owning it. Middle of the road, puffed up like landlords. I watched one fly up and drop a chicke...
She lifts the lucky rabbit’s foot on her keychain and rubs it with her thumb before opening the car door, when a colony of rabbits hops out from the bushes, eac...
The ping isn’t a sound you hear. It’s a sound you feel, threading its way through drywall, like a signal searching for marrow. At first, it was just static: NOA...
The ground sparkled like a Twilight vampire before you had yelled, “are you serious?” opening night, making the entire theater laugh. Edwardian snow felt like t...
The first signs were somewhat easy to ignore. Scratchy throat, hoarse voice, slight difficulty swallowing. The show must go on. But as the small tears and burni...
I choked - she floated in, and oxygen was a BIC lighter I'd lent. In a pile somewhere, lost with a dozen others. The gallery and all its patrons: gorgeously hau...
I land in Las Vegas, a city where I know nobody, for a residency. It is a hundred degrees, even with the sun disappearing behind the hotels and casinos, and my ...
Bleeding from the lip after being punched in the mouth I go talk to my financial advisor. That’s going to cost you, he says. We look at the spreadsheets. Up is ...
A vampire bit me while I was listening to Sabrina Carpenter’s “Espresso”. I was so wrapped up in the song that I didn’t notice until a few seconds later.
“Ow,”...
The first time someone died at Fantasy Fair, no one thought to check near Old Cassie. She was little more than an embellished archway, after all: something peop...
Eventually they start selling dowsing rods in the mall kiosks, right next to the Piercing Pagoda. Parallel for male, crossed rods for female- get it, crossed, l...
Don’t confess. Let the little fucker watch Dave Portnoy gamble on the family iPad. Have a canned margarita. Have two. Go for a cruise in the ’97. Roll the windo...
Selling (plural noun) over the phone, the telemarketer reads from an assigned (adjective) script, so whether it’s you, the (noun) filling in this mad lib, or hi...
They first knocked on Tuesday, softly, like fingernails on Tupperware.
Marta was hunched over her kitchen table eating cold oatmeal with a chipped spoon. She...
1.Snow Plow
I’m plowing the slushy snow when my snow plow bursts into flames. It’s February. It’s my third day on the job. It’s a beautiful and disgusting wint...
2:17 a.m., Tokyo. The train station is empty. Fluorescent lights buzz overhead, the air thick with the low pulse of night, everything washed in greenish light. ...
On a quiet and deserted beach at the end of time, the Time Traveling Comedian walks alone.
A grandfather clock sits half-submerged in the sand, crooked and c...
We don't notice King Kong atop the tallest skyscraper or Godzilla emerging from the ocean. The world is ending, but you and I are climaxing – first you, then me...
He arrived with the food, she wiped hot sauce and shards of yellow cheese from the table. Nearby, a family said grace over burritos and sodas.
“I can’t belie...
I’d gotten out of the clinic on a day pass, and Marie came to pick me up and drive me to her apartment. The sky looked more tired than I was, musty white. A sky...
There was a moment where his neighbor walked up to him and I just sat on the phone listening to him engage that way, the way I missed badly. Presence flooded me...
These voices inside of me are really going at it today, like I’m overhearing parts of myself talking shit about one another, and when they notice I’m listening ...
This morning, I woke up in a bowl of Cheerios. Little round ‘O’s strangling my fingers and toes. Weaving through my hair. On the tip of my nose. I dunked myself...
He ground his wife’s bones to use as paint.
He could not fathom why she remained dead—strange, strange indeed. He tilted his head; his fingers, not trembling—y...