The Pros of Smashing My Phone Right Now
My mom wouldn’t be able to call
asking for money and I wouldn’t
have to deal with the emotional strains
brought on by you ignoring the texts
I’d no longer be able to send you.
Recently Added In: Your Pet Wants You Dead
My cat seems to think
because I don’t own a table
or live as a real, functioning person
that the food I eat off my bedroom floor
is automatically hers too.
Fedora the Explorer
Seems like a lot of people my age
force themselves to hang
with old friends
out of guilt
I prefer to just let friendships die
Craigslist Missed Connection
You are pretty much
the human equivalent of
a Nintendo Power Glove, meaning
you look rad as fuck but
you lack control because of bad wiring
and are all screwed up inside.
Paperboy Calls It Quits!
That feel when you’re
trying to live your life but
the presence of death is
always there, just slightly
chillin’ off to the side, ready
to knock you off your
stupid fucking bike.