The first time I broke up with you, I got jumped on the way home by three teenagers in puffers who threw me to the ground and stomped on my face. I spent a week in the ICU. It’s a sign from the universe, I thought, telling me to stay away. But when you texted—are you ok? I’m so worried—I was so moved and got pulled back to you. And then we got back together.
The second time I broke up with you, I went blind. I walked into walls, people who swore at me and a lamppost that split my head open. Boundaries, I thought as blood dripped into my eyes, I need better boundaries. I couldn’t afford to lose myself again. But you called every day and I answered because I missed you. And then we got back together.
The third time I broke up with you, I slipped in the shower and hit my head on the rim of the tub and came to with a giant lump on my forehead. I didn’t know who I was. I only remembered you. You were all that mattered. And then we got back together.
The fourth time, my building collapsed and I was buried for three days. The thought of you is what kept me going. And then we got back together.
A tsunami swept me up and tossed me around. My lungs filled with water as I collided with things. I was pulled out to sea and drifted for days with the fish. That was the fifth time I broke up with you and it felt final. But the next thing I knew I was holding you in my arms and whispering everything was going to be alright. And then we got back together.
The sixth time, a bear tore me apart; the seventh, a nuclear bomb vaporized me; the eighth, an asteroid hit the Earth and left it uninhabitable for a thousand years. Each time we got back together.
Of course we did.
The ninth time I broke up with you, my head exploded from the pressure. It couldn’t work because you were too much and I was never enough. But when you said we were meant for each other, I couldn’t resist. And then we got back together.
The tenth time I broke up with you, the universe collapsed into a single point in a Big Crunch. And then we got back together.
The eleventh time I broke up with you, you said you were tired of breaking up and getting back together because that’s all we ever did. You said it was over. I couldn’t believe you were really breaking up with me because I had just broken up with you. That felt wrong. I begged you to get back together and promised it would be different if you gave me one more chance. But you refused.
That was the first time you broke up with me, and it was the last.