instead of snapping out of the matrix
and dodging bullets at back-breaking slo-mo speed
neo continues on with life
as he knows it,
working a shitty
9-5 corporate job
for a lousy 40k a year.
because this is a movie
and because movies
need to be exciting
neo randomly gets a call from one of his college buddies
asking him if he wants to go 50-50 on this whacky new fast food place
called moes southwest grill.
without thinking twice
neo says hell yeah
and this version of the matrix suddenly becomes
a biopic about moes southwest grill’s innocuous rise to fame
and how they unthrone chipotle
as the mexican fast food champion of the world.
it’s not nearly as good as the original matrix
but we do get to see keanu in a burrito mascot costume
spinning signs in front of various moes locations
enticing patrons to 75% off chips and guac
he looks suave as hell doing it.
oh there’s also a random scene where neo and crew blow up a taco bell because this is a summertime blockbuster with a budget through the roof.
so, pretty much a win-win,