A Review of The Children’s Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults by Patrick Barb
FOREWARNING: The following review is not created for or targeted for adults. Not adults as in 18 or above. Adults as in…where funny goes to die. This review is not for them. Neither is the book that it is about. If you are an adult, run away from this review right now. Maybe go to Target, grab some La Croix, and forget this review existed. If you see an adult currently reading this review, take their device away and stop them from seeing how hilariously doomed they really are…
When I’m not writing or editing or drinking coffee while wishing the world away, I run a podcast about music and lit called Textual Healing. It’s through this podcast that I had the great privilege of getting to know Patrick Barb. At that time I didn’t know Patrick as “the horror writer” but as “the dude who is brilliantly putting together an anthology of short stories inspired by Neutral Milk Hotel songs” which was just my vibe. Horror is also my vibe, I just didn’t know just how much Patrick fit my vibe at that exact moment. But then he came on the podcast and we immediately ditched the music subject matter and rambled about midwestern accents, the pandemic, and then FINALLY this book–The Children’s Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults.
He didn’t tell me the name of the collection then, but damn that slaps. Instead, he told me about how hanging with his kids helped him come up with this strange yet perfect short story collection.
The Children’s Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults is an electrifying blend of nostalgia and horror that hits all the right notes for me. Patrick’s ability to take the familiar, comforting elements of children’s TV and transform them into something dark and unsettling is unmatched.
The book is a themed short-story collection that presents today’s most-popular kids’ TV franchises through a darker lens. Imagine an elementary school auditorium, a TV set playing weird and sinister versions of beloved children’s programs, and you get to experience the dark side of imagination firsthand. From cities controlled by dogs to possibly dead children acting as would-be heroes, and from infant sharks to the strange fates of written-off sitcom characters, this collection offers must-read thrills perfect for a perfectly unsettling Saturday morning.
During our podcast, we discussed one of the standout stories from the collection, “The Middle Sister’s New Situation.” This short story delves into the life of a middle sister who finds herself in a bizarre and unsettling new reality. The sad reality is that the main character used to be the middle sister in a TV show, but then she was written off.
Now, she’s stuck in a nihilistic existential nightmare of confusion. This story masterfully blends the mundane with the macabre, showcasing Patrick’s talent for finding the sinister in the seemingly innocent. It was this story that sold me on checking out the book. The middle sister’s new situation is both a metaphor for the overlooked and often misunderstood middle child and a chilling tale of unexpected horrors lurking in everyday life.
Patrick Barb’s knack for dark absurdity, combined with the eerie calmness of the children contrasted with the unsettling events, creates a captivating atmosphere that keeps readers on edge. His delightfully macabre style is evident throughout the collection. He has a weirdly brilliant ability to take innocent and innocuous subjects and find something sinister in them. Whether it’s a simple children’s game or a beloved TV show, Patrick twists it into something that will make you shiver.
If you love a good scare mixed with a touch of twisted nostalgia, The Children’s Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults is a must-read. Barb’s unique storytelling will stay with you long after you’ve put the book down.
And for those adults who ignored my initial warning and are still reading this, congratulations! You’ve just proven that even the most doomed among us can’t resist a good scare. But hey, if you’ve made it this far, you’re clearly ready to laugh in the face of danger—or at least nervously chuckle. Patrick Barb’s jauntily macabre collection will guide you through the eerie and unsettling, reminding you that sometimes, surviving the horror is just another day in the life.
You can grab your copy of The Children’s Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults on Amazon now.