January Jones’ mother named January Jones after January Wayne from Once Is Not Enough, a 1973 novel by Jacqueline Susann. Jacqueline Susann. Not to be confused with the 1960s Las Vegas performer Jacqueline Allison, who changed her name to January Jones when her manager-turned-husband-turned-ex-husband told her to. January Jones. Not to be confused with the January Jones we already know. The one from Mad Men. The one @thefatjewish was talking about when he said, JANUARY JONES BABY DADDY IS ZACK GALIFINAKIS. The one that was named after January Wayne, as I said at the beginning. January Wayne, the protagonist in lust with her father. The beginning January. Not to be confused with the calendar January, which is the true beginning January. Not to be confused with the Roman god Janus, the truest beginning January, the actual god of beginnings, who January, the month, was named after. Janus. Not to be confused with Janis Joplin, the American singer-songwriter, who as it turns out, was born in January. January 19, 1943. Not to be confused with the birthdate of Dolly Parton, three years later. January 19, 1946. Not to be confused with the birthdate of Edgar Allan Poe, 137 years before Dolly’s. January 19, 1809. Not to be confused with the birthdate of January Jones, January 5, 1978. Not that that is confusing, it’s an entirely different date. What’s confusing is how we got here in the first place. I have never seen Mad Men, I just wanted to know the baby daddy. Baby daddy. Not to be confused with an infant that is also a dad. Or a miniature-sized father. And, did you know, the father of the zodiac is Capricorn? The sign of Janis Joplin, Dolly Parton, Edgar Allan Poe, and January Jones, if you care about astrology, which I do. And did you know, a Capricorn is a goat? A goat with the tail of a fish. A sea goat. Yes, I said a sea goat. I am not a Capricorn, but I wish that I was. How nice it would be to be a Father.
A star made of stars.
Master of the mountains
and sovereign of the sea. See?
What fun I would have, making a world out of me!