I dropped out of college because I couldn’t handle the routine
now I work at a shoe store,
and I spend every day I’m not working in bed watching YouTube videos or on my porch writing, drinking coffee and smoking,
and every day I am working is spent standing around a shoe store in a referee jersey forgetting to greet people as they come in and don’t buy shoes
there are no reasons to date me because there are no reasons
I dropped out of college because I couldn’t handle the routine
and all that’s changed is that now
it’s a different routine
rhyme reason routine
I’m without an inkling:
how do you write when you feel needed?
how do you interact when you feel unproductive?
how do you balance contradictions?
with contradictions
with reason
with reasonlessness
with beauty
with ugly
compulsion
laziness
rebellion
I’ve got enemies
got a lot of enemies
and they’re all inside of me
and everything is beautiful
and everything is meaningful
and reasonless
I am
happy
to be
alive
jerk off instruction
and no sleep
I’ll be twenty pounds lighter
when you see me again
eat healthy and sleep good
suck it up make sacrifices for me
I don’t want to be an inconvenience
contradiction is a state of life
of mind
I love me I
hate myself and
life the same
it is a point
of departure
I live for
life itself
the same thing
the only one
I love it
I love it
rhyme reason ridicule
I’m off the deep end of the kiddie pool
shallow end of a Moscow mule
and I hate myself
and philosophy is stupid
as my self-image
but I love that too
because
you only live when you die
and I’m ready for it
ready for it
to fill up the void
that I left in life when
I was born and
I was given one
you love me
better
than I know myself
reasons not to date me
tie yourself to yourself
and sink on
with the captain crew and band
playing sweet Caroline
for the white upper middle class passengers
already sailing away on lifeboats
shaped like my peculiarly normal disposition
my blood is, was and will be first on the list
and I’ll invite death to each of my birthdays
and we’ll eat together
alone at the arcade
and reminisce about the drinking games
we never got to play
