even if i wanted to speak i’d stutter

there are so many fcking parties
i stand at the periphery with eyelids

chattering i am bound to cross over
into another plane of existence

where i will either scream forever
or eat vegan cupcakes

with carl sagan part of me thinks
i should watch cosmos

until this shit is en passant
if i’d drunk all the coffee in the world

i wouldn’t be this electric
would u believe i’m tired af

my legs are dangerous half-traitors
and my neck is a fcking quitter

but i can’t fall asleep w/out pills
there are so many cymbals

and terrors in my head like sequins
on 2000 blue jeans

yeah and i can’t even fuck
my bf pulses at a frequency

i don’t understand which isn’t
to say we aren’t wildflowers

can someone tell me why
i daydream of cheeseburgers

in between hours of panic
why when i take a deep breath

it feels like pretending
carl sagan’s first wife

was science which makes four
making wikipedia technically incorrect

you can codify the universe
and still have five children

but when all you think about
is our brief triviality

how do you not live in terror
at the thought of their violent

mutilation and death i can
never have kids call me

a helicopter i fluctuate
on a similar wavelength

i am a pie left out in the sun
so fed up with and petrified

by pain what is a fcking
“safe space”

except maybe space itself
silent thank god and empty