even if i wanted to speak i’d stutter
there are so many fcking parties
i stand at the periphery with eyelids
chattering i am bound to cross over
into another plane of existence
where i will either scream forever
or eat vegan cupcakes
with carl sagan part of me thinks
i should watch cosmos
until this shit is en passant
if i’d drunk all the coffee in the world
i wouldn’t be this electric
would u believe i’m tired af
my legs are dangerous half-traitors
and my neck is a fcking quitter
but i can’t fall asleep w/out pills
there are so many cymbals
and terrors in my head like sequins
on 2000 blue jeans
yeah and i can’t even fuck
my bf pulses at a frequency
i don’t understand which isn’t
to say we aren’t wildflowers
can someone tell me why
i daydream of cheeseburgers
in between hours of panic
why when i take a deep breath
it feels like pretending
carl sagan’s first wife
was science which makes four
making wikipedia technically incorrect
you can codify the universe
and still have five children
but when all you think about
is our brief triviality
how do you not live in terror
at the thought of their violent
mutilation and death i can
never have kids call me
a helicopter i fluctuate
on a similar wavelength
i am a pie left out in the sun
so fed up with and petrified
by pain what is a fcking
“safe space”
except maybe space itself
silent thank god and empty